To my surprise the drop off was anti-climactic and after two hours of setting up the dorm, he was off to meet his group (we did an early move-in program), and we were off to a parent reception. After a brief hug in the room, he said goodbye to me, and nodded his head to my husband as we drove away. Way to rip off the band-aid. I was surprisingly fine, as I truly believed that I prepared this boy well, did everything I could, and now it was his turn. It was a passing of the torch, a new beginning, filled with so many possibilities, and challenges. I have to trust that he will be resilient and handle the many joys and obstacles coming his way. Wow, could the drop off really be that easy? Not at all what I expected. Great, strong, and proud mom moment, way to go.
Now that I am back home without him, I am left to encounter my feelings of him being away but not gone. The house is very different now. I have to remind myself constantly that he is not here to account for. I am grieving in a way, because he is no longer in the house and honestly, I am sadder than I thought I would be. I am remembering to practice feeling my emotions and noticing them as they come and go without getting caught up in them, like I am trained to do. This will be process of ups and downs, sadness and joy, moments of pride and disappointments. I feel comfort knowing that it’s ok to feel a full range of emotions, not judging myself for it, but showing myself compassion during this transition. I will also be reminding myself that whatever happens, I will be able to handle it and deal with it in the moment, without worrying too much about the future. The ball is in his court now, and it’s time for me to let go. I just hope he texts me once in a while.