One of the ways we can cultivate this forgiveness and understanding is by “The Pause.” Our lives are running at record speed these days, and information is coming at us 24/7. This is where “the pause,” can be extremely useful. The pause can be a breathing space that we use before we rush to react to things that trigger us, and enable us to respond with a clear head, rather than react. The famous Holocaust survivor, author and psychoanalyst Vicktor Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
It would benefit all of us to remember our breath in times of stress. If we took a few minutes to pause and breathe before we commented on social media, sent an email or yelled at our kids, we would probably have less regrets as well. This creates some space and gives us time to contemplate the consequences of our words. We can speak with intention rather than impulsivity. Practicing this breathing throughout the day or with a formal meditation practice slows us down and reprograms our brains to be calmer. This is an art that takes practice.
Even though we would be a better nation if we paused before we judge and react to others, we may want to look closer at this rush to judgment in our own homes as well. How do you respond to your kids, your spouse, your neighbors or friends? Do you present yourself in the way you intend? After a dinner with my husband and another couple, I realized that I was being critical of many things he was saying, as he was of me. Without judging our behavior, I instead chose to change things. For the next few days, I was mindful of my judgments and suggested that we both keep track of our criticisms of each other, and even kept score. This was a way for us to notice our urges to criticize and helped us learn to accept each other for who we are, not who we want the other to be. Even if he didn’t want to play, you can’t force or change anyone or their beliefs, you can only change and monitor yourself.
In conclusion, can we as a nation come back from all this divisiveness and intolerance? I believe it starts with you because we can only take responsibility for our own actions. Hopefully, when you practice non-judgment and tolerance it will begin to spread to others and surround you. Be intentional with your words and wonder how it will affect others. Notice when you are being judgmental whether it be on social media or with your family. Question your beliefs and wonder if there is room for seeing them from another perspective. Understand what others may have gone through, and have respect for that. And most importantly, don’t forget to pause and breathe!